After each day I feel like all the stress just boils up in a knot in my stomach, and I either need to run like mad, go kickboxing and punch something, or cry hysterically. Whatever the hell will release this knot that feels like it’s twisting and burning inside of me.

You say to yourself that as long as you have this or that, you will finally be happy. You will finally feel contentment. But it’s in fact the complete opposite. You’re left churning inside still, ever so quietly—ever so toxic. But you can always count on the fact that once you get this or that, you immediately desire for the next best thing. And it never fucking ends. Until you’re left high and dry, like a worn out rag. And you’re just so tired of it all. Of the never-ending restlessness.

I just listened to a sermon last night, where it’s mentioned the three biggest substitutes for God are money, power, and sex. No matter how cliche it is, or how many times you hear cautionary tales about what those things can do to you, it’s amazing how one day you’ll wake up and realize how seduced you are and how you’ve become just another man. Oh, humanity.

But before I lose my mind—god, before I lose you, may I please remember and see again that it’s only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything. Lord, I pray I may lose myself in you, completely.

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

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